The 6th anniversary;
letting go of a few more things
The first time you read this,
it will probably not make complete sense to you. At least that
is what I hope. After all, I am using my brain to write a paper
about my brain. That is confusing by itself.
I am now in the season of
the 6th anniversary of Keith’s death, and I had some ideas
come together today as I was driving on I 95 during a day filled
with tornado warnings. Maybe the winds blew some fresh air into
my brain.
My new goal is to learn how
to more effectively let go of things, not the least of which is
the anniversary of Keith’s death. Keith’s actions
to end his life represent perhaps 1 ½ days out of a life
that was almost 11,000 days long. It is a real disservice to my
son to focus on the anniversary of his death at the expense of
celebrating his life.
Today was also the day that
I tried on my new sport coat that I purchased to wear for my youngest
daughter’s wedding. One sleeve had to be lengthened and
the buttons moved because my right shoulder is a bit low due to
a hockey injury. I learned to let go of playing hockey!! Perhaps
the consequences of more injuries were the great motive.
Today I also gave away my
windsurfing harness. I am not stopping all sporting activity;
I still love to hike, kayak, and sail. I was unable to let go
of some outdated windsurfing skills and therefore unable to replace
them with skills suitable to the new high-performance short boards.
Again, I stopped because I risked having more injuries.
“Letting go” is
a process we all need to master. As we better understand the brain
and how it evolves, we are learning that new skills and new thinking
patterns are developed along with new brain pathways. The brain
is not a static organ that slowly decays over time. It grows and
changes to adapt to what we are doing and
thinking.
If we cannot let go of all
the unnecessary baggage that we drag through life, we will be
slowed down or perhaps even buried under it. Perhaps chronic depression
is a downward spiral caused by tunnel-like thinking over increasingly
narrower and painful subjects. Maybe the brain reacts to this
by building even stronger circuits to reinforce this thinking.
Perhaps that is also why interventions through medications and
psychological therapy are needed to help a depressed person change
patterns of thinking.
This past week I finally received
the DVD of the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know!?”
This movie is an extraordinary collection of thinking about the
brain,behavior, science, and spirituality. It also examines how
our thinking patterns not only modify our own perceptions and
capabilities but how we then affect others around us as well as
our environment. The movie requires an open mind and some deep
thinking. If you are interested in science, philosophy, and human
behavior, please watch it. The movie has some animated sequences
that attempt to show how the brain can “rewire” itself.
In order to “let go”
of the final 1 ½ days of Keith’s life I need to retrain
myself to gradually replace the negative and depressing thinking
about his suicide with the delightful and joyous memories of Keith,
as my son, for 29 years. The goal of that alone may be the motivation
I need. I know I have the motivation; the question is whether
or not I have the skills for that. I’m not sure. I may need
some help. What the “bleep” do I know, anyway??!!
Keith's Dad
