Every day I miss you more. You were my first born and all I can do is look back at the wonderful times I had being your Mother.
I can remember when you were a baby still in your crib and every morning around 3 or 4 you would wake up and be ready to start your day. You were so happy to be awake, ready to start the new day. But I was so tired and would go into your room and talk to you. But with your big smile how could I resist your excitement of a new day. So I would take you downstairs and we would play. The only problem was it became a habit and hard to break. The doctor told me I would have to let you cry to break the pattern. I laid in bed with Dad and cried with you. Soon the pattern was broken but I am not really sure who won.
I can remember your love for Grandma Ilijanich, my mom, and how she loved you! I remember at her funeral service you kneeling by her coffin talking to her. You were such a wonderful grandson to Grandpa Ilijanich, always calling him when he was so sick. Then standing at his Funeral Mass and giving his eulogy, I was so proud of the young man you became!! I can still remember you saying, not long ago, that you were so lucky to have two sets of wonderful Grandparents!! But they were so blessed to have you as their Grandson.
One of the things I learned through your short but meaningful life was your love for your family and friends. I never ever heard one cruel thing about your friends or family. You were always so understanding. I hope that through your life I can begin to live my life in that same way...I guess sometimes I forget and start to judge people's actions without understanding what led them to that action. I promise you that is something I will work on.
I now look at the world in a different way. I see through a different set of eyes. I take more time to look at nature and really listen to what people say. My life will never be the same because you are no longer with me. I would do anything to have you back again but since I can't, I will continue to bless the time I had with you and cherish your memories.
The pressures of your job were overwhelming to you and I will someday have closure. But I will continue to open every door until I understand the pain you were experiencing. I wish I could have somehow been able to see that pain, but I didn't. My Son, Keith, I will try to go on with you looking over my shoulder. I know you are in God's hands. Stay close in my heart. Until someday me meet again, I send you my love now and forever.